SPARKS' FIRST SOLO LIVE
JAN. 22, 2005
He hasn't moved an inch.
Is he asleep?
They're done!
They look great.
If you need more, let me know.
They're still warm!
And this month's Popolo.
IT'S WINTER
Isshin Takada, the writer, mentioned you in his column.
-He did?! -Who?
Here.
See?
THE 10 YOUNG COMEDIANS YOU NEED TO KNOW
8TH - SPARKS
"Tokunaga is the unique funny man.
Yamashita is the charismatic straight man and together, they truly 'Spark.'"
It's us!
Have you heard about the jinx?
Everyone mentioned in this column hits the big time.
Is there such a jinx?
I know him! Mr. Takada...
-I know Takada! -No, you don't.
Nice reaction from "the charismatic straight man."
I'm not the...
Yeah.
So, we'll make it? We'll go to the top?
Why not? You could go all the way.
-The top? I have no idea. -You have no idea?
But after all, Sparks is our agency's number-one act.
The flyers for Buu Fubuubu's solo show finally arrived, boss!
These look fantastic!
We had trouble making this fluorescent color come out right.
But our agency's number one act deserves the brightest there is.
Perfect!
BUU FUBUUBU'S SOLO SHOW
How vivid!
Listen, boys.
You shouldn't compare your work to that of others.
Are you better than you were yesterday?
Will you be better again tomorrow?
That's all.
Wisdom from the god of porn, Taka Kato.
He said it.
How powerful!
How blatant.
In that Popolo magazine, Buu Fubuubu ranked 4th.
"You're our agency's number one act"?!
How many number one acts do agencies have?
Everyone's number one.
Sorry.
I think black and white is cooler anyway.
It just costs less.
Fellini's La Strada.
Godard's Breathless.
They were black and white, too.
What's that?
Pandas...
Othello...
Photos of the deceased, too. All popular things are black and white.
Photos of the deceased? Like at a funeral?
They're not "popular."
NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY
EVERYONE ENDS UP BLACK AND WHITE
Stop doing that.
And they use color photos at funerals nowadays.
So what?
We're doing our first solo show.
Our next one is definitely going to be color!
What is this?!
I wouldn't really do it.
-You're good. -I was on the team.
What team?
Two pork dumplings.
Two pork dumplings to go.
That's 560 yen.
I've got it.
Stop trying to use small change whenever you can.
Here's 10,000 yen.
HIBANA - Spark -
Wanna call it quits?
This place reeks too much of dumplings.
It does.
What a cute baby.
Hear that? The man said you're cute.
Upon the nun's right eye rest two flies.
Upon the gravestone of the man I owe my life rest two flies.
-Sorry? -Mr. Kamiya, what's that?
I thought up a series of "fly haiku" yesterday.
That won't stop the baby crying.
Your child sure is full of life.
The antipode of a fly is a Parisian.
I'm a fly. You're a cricket. That's the sea.
It's scared of you now.
The melon your mother got as a souvenir is covered with flies.
Could you stop it?
Mr. Kamiya, babies don't laugh at "fly haiku."
Then you make it laugh.
Look, the mother's in trouble. Poor lady.
Peek a... boo!
Peek a...
Boo!
Shall we? Sorry. We have to...
Kano! Let's go for a walk. Come on. We can do it.
We're going.
Okay. Let's go!
Thank you.
"I'm gonna fill our pockets with dreams and take us to the top."
"Camels and gorillas will laugh, too!" How lame!
That's lame. This is how you make a threat:
I'll slap you with the back of my hand and say, "I've had enough!"
-Are you threatening me? -I've had enough.
Thank you.
"Camels and gorillas" won't work.
But, yeah... Think of something.
I thought it was good.
I don't get it.
And your reactions, they're...
-They're rigid. -"Rigid"?
Try keeping it down at the start and building it up at the end.
Okay. At the start, I'll keep it down.
And at the end...
I'll focus on being stronger.
-You haven't changed from day one. -It's bugged you from the start?
It's been annoying you that long? Why didn't you tell me?
-From the first time we spoke... -From the first time we spoke?!
-I thought, "He's rigid." -I don't remember a thing.
I have no recollection at all.
-I don't remember the first time we met. -You don't?
You thought I was rigid back then?
You thought, "He's rigid"?
Tell me. From now on. Anything else?
I think that's all.
Will our show be a success?
We've put in enough effort.
Maybe we should go pray at a shrine.
No way.
FORTUNE STICKS
Hello.
-Can I have one try? -That will be 100 yen.
Thank you.
Please pull your fortune stick.
OVERALL RATING "LITTLE LUCKY"
"Little Lucky"?
It's not what you think.
Sorry?
I mean, it's not what you think.
What's wrong?
I'm collecting my stuff from Maki's place. I want you to come with me.
Of course I will...
Did you have a fight?
Maki got herself a boyfriend.
Are you kidding?
Shocked me, too.
I told you she was working at a hostess bar in Kichijoji, right?
Yes?
Well...
Apparently it was a brothel.
When she first arrived in Tokyo, a guy came up to her.
He said he was recruiting girls for a hostess bar.
When she went to the interview...
It was for a brothel with a gimmick: The girls dress up as ghosts.
You know how she can't say, "No."
"I dressed up as a ghost for my clients."
Did she have to be so specific?
I can imagine all the finer details.
I know this will sound selfish, but...
my heart hurts.
Maybe I liked her.
Maybe I really liked her.
It's the Tokunaga Family! Is this your house?
Ring the bell? Don't think so!
I thought it was an ambulance, but it's a cop car!
A cop car!
Compared to his usual self...
Mr. Kamiya was unbelievably...
unfunny.
A cop car!
Tokunaga...
I'm sorry.
What is it?
I'm...
I'm too scared to go in.
Shall I go in by myself?
But if you complain later, I'll kill you.
No...
I'll go with you.
And no matter what the guy says...
I'll stay silent. That's best for her.
But...
I don't want to feel sad or miserable.
I'm sorry, but...
when we're inside, I need a favor.
A favor?
I want you...
I want you to have a boner.
A boner?
If I start to lose it, I'll look at your crotch.
Even though your mentor's going through hell, you'll have a boner.
That's funny, and it'll help me stay sane.
Isn't that a bit risky for me?
If the guy notices, won't he come up and punch me?
That's a unique reason to be punched.
If he leaves a scar, you'll enjoy telling people how you got it.
No, I won't.
This isn't the best time to remind you, but I don't like dirty jokes.
Please.
It's all up to your crotch.
Give me a minute.
It's not downloading.
Come on.
Oh, Tokunaga.
Thanks for coming.
-Excuse me. -Come in.
I'm sorry. Really.
I'll get you some tea.
Don't bother. We won't be long.
I'm sorry.
I haven't...
I haven't found a place yet.
I can't take everything today.
It's okay. There's no rush.
I'm really sorry.
I've got a show tomorrow.
I just need my manzai outfit and a change of clothes.
Tokunaga.
Take this bag.
Put those things in it.
Tokunaga.
Sorry.
Tokunaga.
Tokunaga!
Hey!
Those, too!
I don't need that.
The night Shigeta was killed, Matsushima was in Okayama.
Don't do it.
Don't do it! Stop!
So, I'm out.
Sorry for intruding.
Sorry for everything. Thanks.
What's with that?
Take care of yourself.
Tokunaga, too.
I've had enough.
Shall we?
Hey.
Why are you crying with a boner?
I'm not.
You're like a baby that's horny.
You told me to.
I saw you.
Back in Maki's room, I caught you.
You played with your dick. That's cheating.
Under those circumstances, it was the only way.
You know what?
Yes?
There's a guy over there drinking by himself.
There is.
He looks like he's never had a reason to smile.
Nothing good has happened to him since the day he was born.
He does?
No doubt about it.
You're right.
But I wonder.
What would he do?
How would he look if someone paid his bill for him?
For that guy's tiny bit of happiness,
we're putting up with a lot of cold.
I see that guy every now and then.
He always drinks three highballs, and that's it.
You notice things like that?
When he realizes tonight's for free,
his face will probably light up,
just like when she lights a match in "The Little Match Girl."
Why do we have to pay for something like that?
And at the end of "The Little Match Girl," she dies.
It sure is cold.
Warm my hand.
-What's this? -My dick.
-What is it? -My dick!
-What is it? -How old are you?
-It's warm. -Leave it alone.
It's warm.
That guy!
See him?
He went:
Like this.
What's so funny?
Who does that?
I'm cold.
Let's go.
Tokunaga!
You're drunk. Come to my place.
Okay?
Come!
Your place?
Where's that?
I don't feel good.
Where are you going?!
That's right.
I forgot.
SEIWASOU APARTMENTS
You scared me.
Are you okay?
Are you throwing them away?
The landlord is.
How mean.
Let's put them back.
You'll help me?
Yes.
Thanks.
This one's heavy.
What is this?
It's the latest phonograph.
INSTANT RAMEN FOR SPARKS' YAMASHITA
SPARKS FIRST SOLO LIVE "THROW SPARKS"
STARRING: SPARKS
Please fill out the review.
It's time to go on.
Thank you.
Shall we?
Hello!
Hello.
Hello!
-Thank you. -We're Sparks.
-Please enjoy the show. -Please enjoy the show.
-We're lucky. -We sure are.
So many people came. What a pleasant surprise.
-It's our solo show. -We can see every single person's face.
So, thanks to the familiar faces, and the not-so-familiar faces.
-We're grateful. -It's our first ever solo show.
And it's a packed house.
-We appreciate it. -How true.
-We couldn't have made it without you. -Definitely.
Thank you all so much.
You're going nuts.
Who'd pay 2,000 yen to be thanked six times?
-You're scary. Stop it. -You're right.
-We've got an hour to go. -We do.
-Enjoy the show. -Enjoy the show.
Isn't this sign cool?
-Just for us. -It is.
"Sparks' Solo Show."
The name of a solo show is really important.
It sure is.
-You'll realize when you hold your own. -They won't hold one.
Has anyone in your family done a solo show before?
Nobody in mine has. They probably won't either.
We came up with this title thanks to a little miracle.
-We did? -Yeah.
A miracle?
We were thinking about a title when I said,
"Let's say the first thing that comes to mind."
-This is what popped out. -No, it didn't.
That'd be too much of a miracle.
"Let's say the first thing that comes to mind. Ready?"
-"Throw Sparks." -"Throw Sparks."
I don't think so. That'd be too amazing.
We'd be on TV just for that.
They'd come from the U.S. to interview us. There was no miracle.
-That didn't happen? -No. Stop lying.
Well, you know how it goes.
-We never thought we'd do a solo show. -We didn't.
Honestly. This is a big deal.
-Our agency sucks. -Cut it out. The staff is watching.
-Our agency really sucks. -They're right there.
I'll never forget the first time we went to the office.
They had the company motto on the wall. It's hung up.
It's just like this title. Written in calligraphy.
-Guess what it said. -In big letters.
-"Delegate." -He's right.
Who can help us?
-They suck. -They suck.
When an agency sucks, its employees suck, too.
Cut it out. I told you they're here.
-They're all here. -One of them is in charge of us.
-He's really dangerous. -He's called Mr. Ogata.
Oops, I let his name slip out.
-Mr. Ogata is dangerous. -You shouldn't call people that.
On top of Mr. Ogata's desk was...
In fact, there still is.
There's a mountain of X-rated videos.
He's got as many as a student during puberty.
-How are we supposed to react? -It's a difficult situation.
And sometimes he gives us feedback on our manzai.
He gives us a bit of advice.
But he always includes a quote from a porn actor.
He does.
How are we supposed to react to allegories about the female body?
I prayed someone would reprimand him.
-Then his female colleague spoke up. -She opened her mouth for us.
-"How powerful!" -She liked the quote?
She's on his side?
-It's a miracle this show even happened. -Considering the circumstances.
So, please bear with us for the next hour or so.
-Thank you. -Enjoy the show.
-Let's get it rolling! -Here we go.
So, there's this--
I wanna eat curry.
There's--
I really want some curry.
I had this--
-I wanna eat curry! -What's up?!
Enough with the curry comments. That's "curry harassment."
-I want to eat curry. -It's annoying!
-I was saying-- -You don't get it.
When I left home today for our big solo show,
I smelled curry from the house next door.
That put me in the mood. I've wanted curry ever since.
Who cares?!
Just because you smelled curry doesn't mean you can talk about it now.
-Don't we always do curry manzai? -We've never done curry manzai.
-We always wear turbans and do curry. -We've never done that!
"Wear turbans and do curry"? We've never worn turbans and done curry.
We could wear turbans and do manzai, but we never have.
But wearing turbans and doing curry? How do you do curry?
-Today I want to do manzai for curry. -For curry? No way.
-I wanna do manzai for our audience. -Let's do it.
-Concentrate, please. -I am.
-All you're talking about is curry. -I shouldn't talk about curry?
-Your head's full of curry. -You're right.
-Stop it. -Okay.
-Forget about curry. -Forget about curry!
To be honest, I love it indoors.
I don't go out that much.
I'm an indoor-phile.
But the other day, I went on a trip--
-Why didn't you tell me? -Tell you I went out?
I thought you preferred the U.S. or Europe.
-What are you talking about? -I'm an Indophile, too.
Indophile. India.
-I wanna eat curry! -I said, "Indoor-phile."
I said I love the indoors, not India.
-Quit the curry talk. -Sorry.
-So, I went to a hot spring. -I love hot springs.
I love the food at hot springs. Did you eat soft-boiled eggs?
I did.
They taste best in curry. It becomes so mellow.
-I want to eat curry! -Enough with the curry.
What's with you?
Are you trying my patience? Be careful. I have none.
"None"? Did you just say "None?"
-Like curry's best friend, "naan"? -Stop it.
Enough with the curry.
Idiot!
-Idiot! -I'm here!
-I didn't call you yet.
I have to say "idiot" for you to say, "I'm here!"
Cut it out.
-Cut out the curry. -I have to forget it.
-Please. Get it out of your system. -Good idea.
Curry!
Okay?
-I want it more than ever. -You do?
-Curry! -You sure do.
-Curry! -Just get it out.
-Curry! -Okay?
-Maybe you should eat some. -Good idea.
-Here you go. -Thanks. Bon appetit!
You use chopsticks?
You eat curry with chopsticks? Stop it.
-No more curry. -It's gone.
-Really? -Positive.
If you say "curry" again, I'll hit you.
-No more. -Sure.
-No more. -I swear.
-Got it? -Yep.
So, I stayed overnight at a hot springs resort--
When you leave curry overnight, it gets even tastier.
I wanna eat curry!
You're leaking.
You're leaking curry.
-I said something? -You did.
You don't remember?! You said, "I wanna eat curry!"
About six seconds ago.
Stop it!
I was in bed, but something felt wrong. I was so scared. I wished Mom was--
Mom? Mom's curry? It's simple, but delicious.
I wanna eat curry!
I'm gonna ignore you.
I'll ignore every word you say.
Stop it.
I felt someone looking at me from the window.
When I looked closer, I saw a woman covered in blood.
Blood? Blood is red. Just like curry relish. I wanna eat curry!
Cut it out!
All you talk about is curry! You are so goddamn persistent.
Goddamn? Goddamn. Garam masala. I wanna eat curry!
"Goddamn" and "Garam masala" are not even close!
Not even close.
Chai! I wanna eat curry!
That was a powerful "Chai!"
"Chai!"? What's with you?!
Give me a reason for all this curry talk!
Reason? There's none. Naan. I wanna eat curry!
-I don't mean "naan." -Naan. I wanna eat curry!
-I said, "None!" -"None?" Naan!
Naan is curry's best friend. I wanna eat curry!
Sorry. I made a mistake. This is all my fault.
It's your mistake. Miss Universe.
Miss Universes are slim.
Slim people have good metabolism. What boosts your metabolism? Curry.
-I wanna eat curry! -What a detour!
You went a long way to arrive at "curry" there.
You could probably link anything to curry. Right?
-"A 500 yen coin"! -A 500 yen coin is silver.
Spoons are silver. You eat curry with spoons. I wanna eat curry!
You're amazing! Or can anyone do this?
-Why don't you try? -Give me a word.
"Audience."
The audience wears smiles. Smiles mean happiness.
What causes happiness? The sun when it shines.
Shining suns are round. What else is round? The moon.
What is the moon? It's perfectly round.
What's perfectly round? Glasses!
What is this?! It's difficult as hell!
-You were pathetic. -You're amazing.
-"Lemon!" -Lemons are yellow.
-Curry is yellow. I wanna eat curry! -You're amazing!
-"Sunflower!" -Sunflowers are yellow.
Curry is yellow. I wanna eat curry!
-"Traffic lights!" -Traffic lights are red.
-Curry relish is red. I wanna eat curry. -He can do red, too.
It works for yellow and red. Let me try again.
-I'll give you an easy one. -Thanks. Easy ones exist?
-"Space station." -Are space stations easy?
Space stations are easy?
Space stations are close to the moon. The moon is round. What's round? Glasses.
Why do I end up at "glasses"?!
-Tell me why. -You're in a glasses loop.
-"Glasses!" -Glasses are yellow. Curry is yellow.
-I wanna eat curry! -Not all glasses are yellow.
Glasses aren't necessarily yellow.
What is this? "Coffee"!
Coffee is brown. Curry's brown.
-I wanna eat curry. -Wow. You could be on TV--
What are we talking about?!
I want to tell the scary story from the hot spring resort.
The audience didn't come to hear your "curry-association" skills.
That's it. I'm moving on. I'll keep my stories to myself.
I'll tell them to my real friends.
I'll never share my private life again. I'm moving on.
-Stop saying that. -Saying what?
That you're "Moo-ving on."
What goes "moo"? Cows. Cows make beef.
-The best beef dish is? -Beef curry.
-I wanna eat beef stroganoff. -Not curry?
-I've had enough. -Thank you.
The girl who wrote this review really likes you.
Read it out.
"Toku-chan is hot. His silver hair is the best!"
Who cares?
"Toku-chan is cute. I wanna date him."
-So what? -"Occupation: Dental Assistant."
"Age: 28 years old."
Her phone number's here, too. She sounds nasty.
Let go.
-Don't sleep with the audience. -I never would.
What's with this one?
"The tempo was good, but the setup was poor.
-The first joke was weak." -That guy always comes.
-"The structure is simple." -Good job, guys.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Well done.
-You did well. -Thank you.
You're better than you were before.
To be honest, we can tell.
Thank you.
And... Should I tell you?
-Tell us what? -I've got a bit of good news.
What is it?
-Maybe I shouldn't. -Tell us. What is it?
Well, actually...
You're gonna do a two-minute act on Mr. Miyata's late night radio show.
Late night radio?
Are you serious?
Mr. Miyata...
That show's really funny.
I remember you talking about it.
I've got to write an act. Thank you!
-I'm probably gonna die tomorrow. -Be careful.
I'm coming in.
Good job, guys.
Excuse me.
Thank you for coming.
Let me introduce you. This is the writer, Mr. Isshin Takada.
Hi. I'm Takada.
I'm Sparks' Tokunaga.
I'm Yamashita.
-From Popolo! -Don't point.
From Popolo!
What a surprise.
Thank you for mentioning us.
"I wanna eat curry!"
He's doing our act.
INCOMING CALL: SAIZOU KAMIYA
Excuse me.
Welcome.
-Beer. -Coming up.
Mr. Kamiya?
Master!
You're here.
You're asleep.
I only just got here.
Your eyes are only half open.
Nope.
-Beer, please. -I already ordered.
Here you go.
-Sorry. -Thank you.
You wanna...
I'll have the beef tendon stew.
Here's your Oolong & Shochu.
And your Lemon Sour.
Please enjoy your evening.
Humans are just la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la
I saw the whole thing.
Humans are just la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la
Give me more!
Give me more, Tokunaga!
More!
Humans are just la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la
Give me more!
Send it to my soul!
Make it reach my soul! From yours to mine!
Back then...
we were a little insane.
The gateway for soon-to-be up-and-coming comedians!